Weighing In Wednesday – My Mental Health Hindrance

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Recently I’ve had some things going on that have severely impacted my working out and eating.  It has gotten to the point where I have not been working out at all or sticking with any type of healthy eating. I’m officially diagnosed as Bipolar II with Panic Disorder and OCD tendencies. To complicate it all a little further I rapid cycle and I’m prone to “switch”.  In a nutshell,   I go through lots of cycles in a year; depression, hypomania and normal, but I’m prone to going from depression to hypomania or vice versa with no normal mood in between.  Imagine an emotion roller coaster on steroids, yeah that’s me!

I’ve never been in the closet about it; it does not bother me at all that people know.  I’m very open about it.  Also, personally I do not consider myself to “suffer” from any of them.  Don’t jump yet, just keep reading.

Now don’t get me wrong, living with them is a struggle for me and everyone else that has any one of them much less more than one.  I’ve always known I was “different” and had issues so when I was diagnosed it was no surprise.  I am not the first in my family to be diagnosed bipolar.

Years into therapy I decided to look for the positive, if it were not for having these disorders (FYI I hate that term) then some of the things that make me, me wouldn’t be there.   Here are a few examples…

I’m a wiz with numbers; I’ve counted things and done math problems in my head as long as I can remember as a coping mechanism when things felt out of whack.    Especially in stressful situations that are triggering an emotional response sometimes the concentration on that versus whatever outside source is going on helps me from flipping my lid.

I’m sensitive to other people’s emotional changes.  I think that stems from the panic attacks.  I’ve learned over the years to really tune in to myself to try to feel them coming on.  I can’t stop them but I can prepare myself for them.

I am the queen at multi-tasking and I attribute this to the ability to keep up with myself in my head.   Being able to just keep up with my own thoughts has taught me to be able to quickly change track and adapt.

I can usually find anything!  Because of the OCD tendencies I tend to be over organized.  The other upside is that even when things are chaos in my head it helps that my physical world is in line.

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I try to look at the positive when I can.  When I can’t I try to find the humor.  If those fail I try to find acceptance in who and what I am.  Sometimes I fail miserably at all of them, like lately.  Then it’s time for a tune up!

I did many years of seeing psychiatrists, therapists and rounds of various meds.  About 5 years ago after some pretty intense cognitive behavioral therapy I successfully went off meds.  However, in the last few weeks things have gotten out of whack.  This has had a very big impact on my eating and working out along with other aspects of my life.  Needless to say I have started seeing a doctor again and I’m temporarily back on meds.

Healthy comes from inside out.  So I’ve got to concentrate on getting myself back on track.  I have started doing some of my therapy exercises again.  Hopefully as soon as the sleepiness side affect from starting new meds wears off I can start doing the physical exercises again.


  1. tonya jordan says:

    This is me in a nutshell. I can understand everything you just said. At times, I feel like I’m out of whack and my depression goes in full force. Then my constant organization does keep family members on constant guard. I also have been diagnosed, but have found little help with medication. I just have to go day by day, and work on myself and what I need to do to help. Much prayers and thoughts sent your way as you are going through this troubling time.

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